A Battle for Self

Reading REVIVING OPHELIA.  Finding the information about the struggles of adolescent girls quite enlightening.  The following poem (draft form) presents some ideas I have gleaned from this work.

I am young, I am me,
I love what I love, can be what I will be.
I feel bold, I feel brave,
I'm a princess in a castle, a hunter in a a cave.
I might change the world, can change the world, will change the world -
Right after I run through the flowers and play in the mud.

I am an adolescent, I've lost me,
I am confused about what you want me to be.
I'm a teenager in my room, locked in myself, not what you see.
I am hidden from the world, labeled by the world, stunted in the world.
Right now I run from myself; I'm losing myself; I want to be myself -
but you are trying to tell me who I am.

Commercials, magazines, tv. They are not me, but what I see.
Telling me who I should be.
I'm yelling but no one hears.  The silence is deafening. 
Why do you get to decide who I am?
Why do I let you?

Who will win the battle for me?
Will I fight or  will I concede?

If conceding, the irony will be -
The world, others, society -
May have been better off with the real me.

An Understanding Heart

Saw a comment today that reminded me of a poem I wrote several years ago.

An Understanding Heart

I once heard tell that to have a child is to decide forever to have Your heart walking around outside vour bodv.

Her baby sleeps.

She watches with amazement.

The calm, quiet, consistent breathing

Her heart lies there.

And her baby grows.

She watches with excitement.

The first wobbly steps towards walking

Her heart toddles off.

And her toddler grows.

She watches with anxiousness.

The very first day of schooling

Her heart enters nervously.

And her child grows.

She listens with frustration.

Many days of arguments

The first accusations: "But you just don't understand."

She thinks, "But one day you will."

Her heart moves away angrily.

And her daughter marries.

She watches with nostalgia

The first moments of a new journeying

Her heart separates uncertainly.

And the wife grows.

She assists with happiness

Her first days of grandmothering

Her heart doubles magically.

My baby sleeps.

I watch with awe.

My first steps of understanding

My heart lies there.

Wilson © 2004

Up and Away - Travelling Time

February 12, 2011 -  A bit nostalgic theses days as Heather gets ready to graduate from college.  Seemed appropriate to put together two pieces I wrote - one upon her graduation from high school and the other as she turned 21.

Up and Away

How does one look forward while longing to go back?
There is something comforting in the known, the familiar.

Especially when it comes to offspring.



Who decided they should leave the nest anyway?

Are we birds – don’t they have to shove those babies out?

Mine is ready to fly – no pushing necessary.

Everyone keeps telling me this is good – this is what I have been working towards all along.

Isn’t good supposed to feel – well – good?

It doesn’t!!

Yet it does. Watching her fly makes my heart soar.

Yet, I can’t seem to squelch the desire to check the sky for

Storms,

Dark clouds,

Hail,

Vultures.



As she flies I note,

She is strong,

She is able,

She will get a little wet, but weather the storms,

Lose her way at times, only to avoid dark clouds at others,

Move through the hail, but learn when to seek shelter

And

Encounter vultures, only to truly recognize doves.

And hopefully she will always know that warmth, shelter and unconditional love

Can always be found in the safety of the nest.




“Enjoy her now because she will be grown before you know it”.  Cliché?   Maybe.  True?  Definitely.  My sweet little girl turns 21 today, and I truly don’t know where all of the time went.  It is a bittersweet day.  I so miss my little toddler, but I am so very proud of my young lady.  Bittersweet because I cannot be with her today, but she has good friends who will be.  Bittersweet because she doesn’t need her mom any more and because she doesn’t need her mom anymore.  On the day that she “legally” becomes an adult, I wish her the very best along the journey to come.  I hope that she will allow me to accompany her along that journey periodically (maybe even a little more), and I pray that her travelling time will bring her the wonderful blessings that she has brought to me throughout the last 21 years.  Travel well, travel safely, travel bravely, and leave beautiful memories to travel back to.

Blessings

It takes time to grow solid friendships, weathering storms, enjoying the sunshine, bending in the wind, swaying with the breeze.  Your roots become so entangled that it is difficult to imagine any separation possible.  But it happens,circumstances change, the roots must be disentagled.  The growth continues but a piece feels missing.  In my case, two. 

It is hard to be so far away, but I know, and am forever thankful, that those roots are solid and will be forever in tact.

Stories, Shyamalan, and Symbols

A friend of mine loves to read as long as she doesn’t have to look for symbols, themes, meanings.... Yet between this conversation earlier this week and another Shyamalan movie tonight (Devil), I begin to realize that my love of reading comes from just that – any aspect of a story that moves it from the literal to the abstract (hard to believe I decided to teach English).

And I am a great fan of all things Shyamalan (ok – The Happening really wasn’t “happening”). I adore his “stories”. I admire the imagination and courage to put “out there” something that many people are going to complain about because just maybe it takes to much thought (or the fact that the beast in The Village wasn’t a creepy, scary make-believe monster). I love any story that not only makes me think but often begs the necessity of a second (or third) read or watch (Inception would definitely rank high on that list). And Shyamalan does that for me most consistently (at least with movies).

His stories touch on universal questions and ideas. Reflect on human behavior, both good and evil. Leave us pondering more about ourselves and those around us. And most importantly, at least for me, with the realization that good can win out in the end, even if it may not be exactly the way we might wish.

I will always be thankful for the true story tellers, those who are willing to share their imaginations with us, taking us to places we may never have been aware of, or showing us that their ideas are not that far from our own. Even those who simply allow us to enjoy a wonderful story, escaping reality for a bit - “temporarily suspending our disbelief”.

And the truth is I believe all readers take something away from the stories they read, be it symbolism or not.

History and Scriptures

New Bible for my birthday!  Have been looking forward to this for several months, ever since I first found it on the shelves at Hastings.  Not only are the scriptures organized chronologically, but it includes extra historical information throughout the pages.  So very interesting to learn even more about the events and people recorded there.  Looking forward to this journey, hope to get lost within the pages.  Oh and thanks to my other gift (thanks mom and dad) - Garmin- I should be able to avoid getting lost on my actual journeys. :)

Reviving Ophelia

Having finished THE GIFT OF FEAR, I begin yet another book delving into the psychology of humans and humanity - this time examining the psyche of adolescent girls.  I once found this topic (psychology that is) quite fascinating, but life moves on with its twists and turns, and my interest found its way into a corner. 

Interestingly enough, it has been brought back to the forefront through my daughter.  Her interest has peaked mine once again.  As a high school teacher, I am hoping that it will make a difference in my understanding of others, especially those young minds that I come into contact with daily.